This is perfection:
“Staying in the dark is easy because it’s a hell you can control.
It takes changing to get out of it.
And changing is its own private hell until you realize the truth: one day it won’t hurt like this anymore.”
I have not written.
No, not recently.
The excuse is that I am busy. My calendar– my alibi. But that’s just a lie to mask the real reason: I am resisting. I have been resisting for a really long time. Because that is sometimes what we do when we love something so much that we are fully aware it could double back to hurt us– we resist it. Because it changes us. And we are afraid to change.
I want everything to stay the same. I want the same barista. He should never think to pack his bag and move to Nashville. I want the same mug. The same seat. The same moments played on repeat so we can always do this dance of familiarity.
I am afraid of people leaving. There, I said it. I am afraid of people being taken from me. I want to…
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